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Motherhood · January 21, 2016

Toddler Tales

My favorite posts to write. So many times I have stumbled across old stories about the girls that I have written & I am so so so glad that I documented them. Kids say the funniest things & it is easily one of the most rewarding things as a parent. So next time you get sad that your baby is growing up too quickly, just remember, you have so much to look forward to when they start talking! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Totally unrelated picture, but, hey look! Claire is sitting up!!! ๐Ÿ™‚
Striped Dress & Tights by June & January

 Eloise has started saying “mik at me! mik at me!” when she wants someone to look at her, anytime she is doing something funny or is trying to get our attention. The other day, she was yelling for Harper, “sissy, mik at me! sissy!” but Harper wasn’t paying attention, so Eloise ran up and tapped her right on on the top of the head and yelled “YOO HOO!?”

Sometimes you don’t want to admit when your kids are exactly like you, like the other day, on our way home from the doctor’s office, I drove through Starbucks. Harper asked if they could have blueberries (the Starbucks at our Target always has dried blueberries that go in the oatmeal, and the sweet barista always gives them to the girls), so I asked if they had some. The barista said no they only had regular blueberries, so I told Harper that we wouldn’t order any because we had regular blueberries at home. Her response? “Oh, then you don’t need to get coffee too right, because we have regular coffee at home?” Touche.

Eloise loves to brush her teeth. I can actually take a whole (although quick) shower just by turning our bathtub on to a slow drip & giving her a little toothpaste on her toothbrush. The other night after baths, she brushed her teeth and stomped over to the vanity to put it away. She was looking at Brandon & I with a huge grin, reaches over, yanks open the drawer, slams her toothbrush on top the counter, shuts the drawer & proudly walks away. We don’t know if she did it on purpose, or if she actually thought she put her toothbrush in the drawer, but we were dying laughing.

A few weeks ago, I spilled my entire venti iced coffee all over the car as I was pulling my diaper bag out of the front seat & knocked it over. It wasn’t pretty. Later that night, Brandon was giving Harper & Eloise a bath while I nursed Claire in our bed & this conversation took place.
Harper: something happened to mama today
Brandon: oh yea, what?
Harper: She spilled her whole coffee all over the car
Brandon: oh no, really?
Harper: yep, and then she said a bad word.
Brandon: what did she say?
Harper: damnit and fucking.

Mom of the year. 

The girls still love their play kitchen, and every day they make all sorts of pretend food to feed to Brandon & I, or baby Claire who will always open her mouth for an empty spoon. Harper will bring me things and tell me it is lemon meringue pie oatmeal or carrot and hummus pot pie. Every time Eloise brings me something and I ask what it is, “TETCHUP!!!!” ๐Ÿ™‚

And probably the funniest yet. Brandon had just gotten out of the shower & was standing in the bathroom in his underwear. Kids, you know, they are used to seeing a saggy diaper, because it is full, right? So Harper comes in the bathroom and stops dead in her tracks, points to Brandon’s you-know-what and says “uh, dad, ya got poop?”

Four year olds, for the win.

8

Posted By: Jessica Garvin · In: Motherhood

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Comments

  1. Danielle Siero says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Hahahahahaha!! Thank you for sharing! I've dropped a few bad words here and there. Only to have my toddler repeat them to me. You aren't alone.

    Reply
  2. Anonymous says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    I can't stop laughing! This was the best post!

    Reply
  3. j_xoxo says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    So funny!!

    Reply
  4. Anonymous says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    OMG! Hahaha ?

    Reply
  5. Leanne says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Classic! Lol love it!

    Reply
  6. Marlene Guevara says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    LOL this is hilarious!! Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
  7. Anonymous says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Stories like these are some of my favorites, they can just be so funny! I love the things Harper said the best, especially the conversation she had with Brandon when she mentioned you said a bad word. You might want to be a little more careful about what you say around your girls!

    Reply
  8. Samantha Jo Gill says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Classic! I love the innocence of kids โ€“ย "dammit and fucking" lol. Too good. Your girls are so sweet!

    Reply
  9. Anonymous says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Lol the last one was the funniest!

    Reply
  10. Tara says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Dying!!!!

    Reply
  11. Melody says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    So. Much. Hilarious!! I seem to ALWAYS lose my phone around the house, and then when we need to go somewhere I'm always looking for it and a few curse words will be muttered. My 5 year old said, "Mom, Jesus is watching." Uuuuuggggghhhhhh! Thanks kid. Lol
    If only I could just keep up with my phone. It's so frustrating. I definitely have a bad case of mommy brain.
    Things are never boring around with these kiddos. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Reply
  12. Sarah says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Dying! Absolutely hilarious!

    Reply
  13. Nicholle Montalvo says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    OH. EM. GEE. I am CRYING laughing at that last one!!!!!! LOL!!

    Reply
  14. Leslie says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    ??? hysterical! I'm a teacher in Marietta and I always say that teachers and parents should write a book on things that kids say. It would be best seller for sure!

    Reply
  15. Trista & Chris says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Haha, I don't usually comment but this time, I had to! Your kids are hilarious. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
  16. Shadia Brown says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Hahaha that last one was amazing!!! I love these posts probably as much as you love writing them! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  17. Carissa says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    These are just too good! Can't wait until my little one starts talking, just to have these hilarious moments to laugh at!

    Reply
  18. Allison Walls says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    THE BEST! Love your girls! I also love when Abbie tells me her crazy stories and funny things. Girl has got some wild imagination for just under three.

    Reply
  19. Danielle L. says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Oh my gosh, that last paragraph put such a grin on my face! TOO FUNNY! You guys had to have been dying after that one. Love your stories and sweet photos of the girls! <3

    Reply
  20. Karra says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    These posts are my FAVORITE. Our three year old just noticed her dad's you-know-what and said the same thing.

    The talking stage just might be my favorite. and you obviously need to give that girl some more TETCHUP ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Reply
  21. Heidi McNally says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Thanks for the laugh. I remember so many stories with my two little ones wish I had written all of them down so I would not have to rely on my memory though. What a great gift this blog will be for the girls someday.

    Reply
  22. Brittany Williford says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Dying……DYING laughing!! OMG, thank you for making this lame Thursday better with these hilarious toddler tales!

    Reply
  23. Meaghan says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    This just made my day, and made me laugh so hard! Thank you!

    Reply
  24. Liz Jo says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Harper is hilarious!!! I've got to start watching my swearing too. The other day I told Sophie to go to sleep and she was like "or what?"

    liz @ j for joiner

    Reply
  25. tulSAHHisrad says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    I love reading your blog! Your kids are the cutest! thanks so much for sharing! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  26. Kathryn Olsen says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    You. Are. My. Favorite.

    I could not stop laughing.

    Reply
  27. Lindsey says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    This gave me a great laugh! I especially love Harper's response about the coffee! ๐Ÿ™‚
    Lindsey
    http://www.careerintherearviewmirror.blogspot.com

    Reply
  28. Hayley says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    CRYING, I'm laughing so hard. Those stories are hilarious!

    Reply
  29. Steph says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Yes, yes, yes! Literally laughed out loud! I have 2 girls the same age as Harper and Eloise. ๐Ÿ™‚ all these sayings sound so familiar. I probably would have also cried if I spilt my coffee, haha!

    Reply
  30. Courtney says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Such a HILARIOUS post. Couldn't love it more.

    Reply
  31. BrownOctober84 says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    I am dying! This is one of your best posts to date! Thanks for keeping it real!

    Reply
  32. Whitney says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Haha, that dad and his poopy pants! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Reply
  33. Teri O'Neil says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    damnit and fucking. OMG! I try so so hard not to curse in front of my kids but the other day when my 2.5 year old said 'fuck' I just had to laugh (when she was out of the room of course)

    http://www.shhmommysdrinking.com

    Reply
  34. Ashleigh says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Oh my goodness those are all awesome! Thank you for my "laugh out loud" moments today!

    Reply
  35. Lucila Guerrero says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Oh my…. the last story…. it killed me… You are "mom of the year" to those kids!! Congrats from Argentina ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  36. Jess says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    I love all of your toddler stories! Thank you for sharing. I'm having a particularly crazy day with my kiddos and it is just good to know that there is someone else out there dealing with the same kind of circus antics. ๐Ÿ™‚ Cheers to mommahood!

    Reply
  37. Jen says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    These were so funny I had to read them to my husband!

    Reply
  38. Kristen Hart says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    This is so perfect! And hilarious! Thank you for sharing! I can't wait until my 17 month old starts really talking.

    Reply
  39. Anonymous says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    LOVE THAT!! Harper tells on mom, and Eloise is obsessed with tetchup

    Reply
  40. DanielleHerron says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    These are just awesome and have my laughing every time!

    Reply
  41. Stacey G says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    It's not even 6am here and I am dyyyyyyyying hahaha love this post!

    Reply
  42. Kelly says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Oh my gosh, Jessica. Laughed so hard at this!!!!!! So so so good. PLEASE keep 'em coming!!!!

    Reply
  43. Lindsay at Lindsay'sSweetWorld says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Bahahaha these are hysterical! Don't you just love the things that kids say? Our 23 month old little girl has just started asking for us to play with her, but instead of saying "play with me" she says "play with you." But she can't say "play" so it just comes out "with you." However, when she says with, it sounds more like "Eff" so when she asks you to play with her she says, "Eff you!!" And if you tell her to wait a minute she starts yelling, "EFF YOOOOU!!!! EFF YOOOOU, MOMMY!!" I die every single time. Sometimes I delay the process of actually playing with her just so I can hear her say it. Lol.

    Reply
  44. Laura says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    haha that made me laugh out loud! Sweet girls I seriously cannot wait to hear the ridiculous stuff my daughter will soon be saying.

    Reply
  45. shannon swol says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    I'm dying! My daughter is just starting to put words together I can't wait lol thanks for the laugh

    Reply
  46. Reba says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    I am dying! These are hilarious!

    Reply
  47. Amanda says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Your favorite posts to write and my favorite posts to read!! Hilarious! Thanks for sharing!

    So what was your husband's reply to Harper's poop question? ๐Ÿ˜€

    Reply
  48. Gina babybluemom.com says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    This made my morning!

    Reply
  49. Shayna Teunissen says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Hahaha oh my, I'm crying with laughter. I get told on all the time by my 4 year old as well! And don't get me started with the anatomy questions. They definitely make life entertaining, don't they?!

    Reply
  50. Elise @ Her Heart and Home says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    You absolutely have me laughing out loud with these. The best! xx

    Reply
  51. Emily says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Peed my pants laughing at the "she said a bad word" and the "ya got poop?" LOL. So amazing.
    And the coffee-at-home thing?!?! CRAZY how smart they are so little an age!!!
    My son is almost 3 and I just love the things he says. Love love love.

    Reply
  52. Krysten Schwartz says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    I actually laughed out loud when I read the coffee story. Kids are fantastic!

    My niece (4yo at the time) walked in on my brother going to the bathroom. She pointed to you-know-what and said "what is that, a finger!?" My brother was't prepared and just said… "yes." Her eyes got wide and said "that's a BIIIIIIG finger" and walked out. Probably one of my favorite stories of all time.

    Reply
  53. Kristin Longacre says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Oh my gosh, I can't stop laughing. These are amazing. I could totally see my kid in a few years like Harper calling me out on not needing coffee.

    Reply
  54. Linley Noel says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    I almost spit out my lunch laughing at this, while sitting at work, at a client's office. Love these posts the most! Thanks (to you and your sweet family) for the laughs. Also, I am trying to work on keeping the curse words at a minimum these days – I have a nine mouth old who only says "mumma" but I wouldn't be surprised if her second word was something that should definitely not come out of her sweet mouth! It's harder than it seems.

    Reply
  55. lidia says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    dying at the last one!!! and the convo that took place in the bath! there is never a dull moment.

    Reply
  56. July says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    I literally just LoL'ed while on my lunch break! The bath time story was hilarious! You're so right though, as much as I hate to see them grow up, hearing them talk like little people is the best!

    Reply
  57. Candice Cronan says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    These posts are the most refreshing and always give me a good laugh. Raising little ones is full of surprises. Some you laugh at and some make you completely question your parenting (daily for me). Lots of love to your family full of girls! Ive got three with a fourth on the way and they really are the best.

    Candicecronanblog.blogspot.com

    Reply
  58. Tina says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Haha this was hysterical!! Thanks for the laugh on this dreary Thursday morning here in KC!!

    You're blog is the best ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  59. Anna White says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Thanks for the laughs this morning! ? I'm learning the ropes with my first baby, and find myself mourning the loss of her tiny-ness (she was a preemie). Good reminder that talking makes babes so much fun!

    Reply
  60. Kacy L. Cunningham says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    I definitely lol'd a few times during this one. I love the toddler tales! Keep them coming! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  61. Jessica Duell says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    This is so cute and sure did brighten my day. Thanks

    Reply
  62. rhallberg says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    Um, these stories are hilarious! I was reading them on a few minutes of free time while my students were working on an assignment and you had me laughing out loud. Love it!

    Reply
  63. Meghan Pilosi says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    I can't ????. Harper is hilarious!! Omg ??

    Reply
  64. natasha {schue love} says

    January 22, 2016 at 1:52 am

    So classic!!! I should write more of Ethan's down right now…always so cute!

    Reply
  65. Alicia says

    January 22, 2016 at 2:24 am

    I have a 2.5 year old and she already makes me laugh all day long with the things she comes up with. I can't wait til age 4! ?

    Reply
  66. Brittany Holden says

    January 22, 2016 at 2:24 am

    I am in tears. Thanks for the laugh!

    Reply
  67. Heather Thiele says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    Thanks for the amazingly funny, real to life post. Love it and love reading your blog. You keep it so real. Appreciate the candor. Keep it coming.

    Reply
  68. Erin Peyerk says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    This post has me cracking up!!! Toddler talk is the best! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  69. Julie Park says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    Oh my goodness. This just made my day! Thanks so much for sharing!

    Reply
  70. Michelle {lovely little things} says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    Ahahaha, that last one made me laugh out loud!!

    Reply
  71. Holly says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    So cute!!! My 3year calls ketchup "Cat-purrrr". She been also going through a fearful stage where she wakes up scared in the night the other night I asked her what was wrong & she said Superman was getting my legs ?

    Reply
  72. erin says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    looool
    the other day, my husband got out of the shower and my 2.5 year old starts pointing and yelling "tail! tail!"

    Reply
  73. val says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    Dying at the damnit & fucking! My 3 year old repeated "fucking taxes" the other day so, ya, there's that.

    Reply
  74. Kelley @LoveLikeCrazy says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    These are hysterical!!! Especially the blueberries, spilled coffee, and Brandon. I'm dying laughing. My two year old just now has enough words and I'm dying over trying to remember to document them.

    Reply
  75. Audrey says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    Hilarious!! I read the coffee spill to my husband because we can totally relate! ?

    Reply
  76. K Lynay says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    I can't even ๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝ This made my day! And made me laugh out loud! Such a beautiful family you have.

    Reply
  77. Girard Living says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    Your girls are too funny!! I should write down some of the stuff our toddler says..reminds us too, that we need to watch what we say around him!

    Reply
  78. Elizabeth Birenbaum says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    OMG!!! DYING!!! I love this. My favorites for sure are the last one about Brandon and the one where she calls you out for having coffee at home. Touche Harper! I can't help but wonder… did she get the blueberries after that comment? LOL.

    Reply
  79. Jeannine says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    Dying! This is brilliant – your girls are awesome ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  80. Sandra says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    Best blog post! Had me laughing out loud!

    Reply
  81. Lauren W says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    Ah, I can so relate! My 1/2, almost 3 yo doesn't know what "bad words" are yet. I accidentally said "fucking disgusting" around her once and she said "MOM! We don't say disgusting!" I died.

    Perfect Little Happiness

    Reply
  82. All Things Big and Small says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    This is too funny! They say the darnedest things! I need to start writing down more of what my 3 year old says because the way their minds work are just too funny!

    xo
    Annie- All Things Big And Small

    Reply
  83. Kylie Robinson says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    I just died laughing! Love this post!

    Reply
  84. Courtney says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    Dying laughing!!!! Love this post!!

    Reply
  85. lifewithmrslee says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    Oh my god! I must start writing these sorts of things down as my two year old comes out with the most hilarious things! I was actually crying laughing reading this! Definitely brightened a rainy day in the UK! Xo

    Reply
  86. Cecilou says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    Ha, ha, ha you made my day! This is what I live for, those unexpected and oh so funny moments with my kids.

    Reply
  87. Shannon Scheitle says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    Harper's sass kills me!!! She's so funny

    Reply
  88. Millie says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    This is so funny….Love it

    Reply
  89. JessiRene* @ Little Hartkop Happenings says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    Love it! Hahaha! Your stories had me laughing because they are so.true! Of course the one part of the day they repeat is the random episode that happens to include a bad word! Oh boy. ๐Ÿ™‚
    Thanks for sharing!! โ˜•๏ธ

    Reply
  90. Katie @ the acre says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    YES!!! Bahahaha.

    Kids say the darndest things, but your kids seriously take the cake.

    Reply
  91. Raegan Allen says

    January 25, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    so flippin hysterical!!

    Reply
  92. Tiffany Kinder says

    January 26, 2016 at 1:46 am

    This really just made my day-I'm so glad I read this. The end is definitely my favorite ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Reply
  93. Chelsea Covington says

    January 28, 2016 at 2:53 am

    LOVE all of these stories!!! They had me rolling!!! Your fam is too cute! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  94. Nat{natyouraveragegirl} says

    January 28, 2016 at 2:53 am

    dying. just dying!

    Reply
  95. Renee Hudson says

    January 28, 2016 at 2:53 am

    Toddlers are the cutest! They bring so much joy to our boring lives.

    Reply
  96. Alla sirosh says

    January 28, 2016 at 2:53 am

    burst out laughing at the last one in the office. Love toddler tales.I need to start recording my daughters toddler tales in a notebook. thanks for the laughs

    Reply
  97. Megan Juracek says

    January 28, 2016 at 2:53 am

    This made my day too! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  98. Brittany Veronee says

    January 28, 2016 at 2:53 am

    OMG! I could read these posts every single day!! These are hilarious! The last one though hahaha!

    Reply

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